Monday, October 30, 2006

Culinary Delights: Labour Leadership Candidates' Eating Habits

John McDonnell may portray himself as a dyed-in-the-wool good ol' boy Leftie but he has a dark secret. Soon after getting elected he contributed to a book of MPs favorite recipes. His entry was not exactly Cordon Bleu. It was a recipe for ... Sugar on Bread, a dish which is usually the preserve of dope heads with the munchies or someone with a smack habit.
McDonnell obviously isn't a druggie but there must be something deeply wrong about a man who looks forward to pouring some Silver Spoon granulated onto a slice of tasteless white bread. I like to think there is nothing too good for the workers when matters of food and drink are concerned. To choose a recipe so revolting and uninspiring reveals a serious character defect in my book.
On the subject of leadership candidates eating habits, I am told that Peter Hain certainly used to enjoy a very strange diet, which might account for his orange hue. He didn't eat any meat or bread or dairy products.
When it comes to the eating habits of Labour leadership candidates and we ask where's the beef, the answer has to be Gordon Brown and Jon Cruddas, red blooded, red meat socialists.

Friday, October 27, 2006

Good News: US population reaches 300m mark

Congratulations USA. Population growth is always to be welcomed.
But don't stop there. As all clever aquatic creatures know, more people equals more brainpower, more technological progress and more economic growth. We need MORE, more, more people.
Keep letting immigrants in and keep on breeding y'all

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Crank it up, sit on it and let it move ya

Dolphins love LOS Jenni Francis.

The Dolphinarium/La Femme Contraire Thursday Debate: Slack Lyrics

We here at Dolphinarium/LaFemmeContraire can't pass up any opportunity to get down and dirty. We like to wrap it up in some high-minded political posturing, though as an excuse. So we're gonna chat about Slack Lyrics. Should radio stations refuse to play slack tunes? Or must artistry be as unfettered as possible?
Our position is pretty clear: We want that wickedest slam, oh yes we do!
Daddy Earnie plays watered down version of General TK's I Spy. The original with its provocative lyrics, 'I spy, what do I spy? P-U-S-S-Y with a tight needle eye' was a glorious paean to the pudenda. But to be fair to him, it is before the watershed. Still, it would be good to hear it brought out of storage at some late hour.

Sometimes ...

Only Jigs hits the spot. Big up, yeah.

96.9 million ways to die: Choose one.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

A Short Note

Clare Short has been reprimanded by the Labour Party for comments she made about the government. Showing admirable restraint, the hierarchy shied away from expelling Short, a move which would have propelled her onto the front pages she so loves, instead opting for a warning. As will be recalled, a few weeks ago, Clare 'I'm threatening to resign' Short had yet another one of her 'moments', as they discreetly referred to in the Westminster village. Penning an intoxicatingly bitter piece for The Independent, Mama Short laid into the Labour leadership, saying she was "profoundly ashamed of the government", calling for a hung parliament and announcing her resignation as an MP. But characteristically, Mama didn't rule out standing as an independent candidate at the next election.
As all clever aquatic creatures know, Mama has plenty of form in this regard, making threats to resign from something or other at regular intervals and just as regularly failing to see her threats through. Such antics are typically accompanied by some splendid examples of sanctimonious self-justification. One can have too much of such a thing.
Nonetheless, until Mama over-reached herself by failing to honour her threat to resign over the war, pliant hacks lapped up her act, foolishly lauding her record at the Department of International Development (DFID) without caring make any close examination of what it was up to under her watch. And that was rampant privatisation-pushing in developing countries under the guise of aid and some very curious funding priorities, not least of all funnelling millions into the controversial United Nations Population Fund (UNFPA), an organisation judged complicit in human rights violations by the US State Department.
Mama Short, who was not an innocent ingenue but a sturdy married woman when she gave her son up for adoption (some three decades later their widely-publicised reconciliation - exclusive interview, walkabout-and-embrace photo opportunity - melted all but the most cynical of hearts) has always singlemindedly pursued her own interests. She met her (second) late husband, the then-married home office minister Alex Lyon, while she was working at the Home Office. Some time after that, the first Mrs Lyon found herself out of a marriage and replaced by Clare Short. Her 1981 marriage to a former minister did not prove to be a hindrance to her political career.
Elected in 1983, she ascended with dizzying rapidity up the greasy pole, pausing only to wave her conscience around at opportune moments and indulge in a spot of Millie witch-hunting, all the rage in the Kinnock years, even if some targets of her righteous fervour were rather close to home.
Dave Nellist recalled Short as tricoteuse, parked outside the meeting which was to expell him, furiously knitting away as she awaited the verdict. Its the authentic image of an evesdropping Short, her face twisted into a frown of concentration, watchful and waiting.

Saturday, October 07, 2006

How to chirpse a Catholic bird

The Top Ten (Orthodox) Catholic Pick-Up Lines.

Hat Tip: The Cafeteria is Closed

10. May I offer you a light for that votive candle?

9. Hi there. My buddy and I were wondering if you would settle a dispute we're having. Do you think the word should be pronounced HOMEschooling, or homeSCHOOLing?

8. Sorry, but I couldn't help but noticing how cute you look in that ankle-length, shapeless, plaid jumper.

7. What's a nice girl like you doing at a First Saturday Rosary Cenacle like this?

6. You don't like the culture of death either? Wow! We have so much in common!

5. Let's get out of here. I know a much cozier little Catholic bookstore downtown.

4. I bet I can guess your confirmation name.

3. You've got stunning scapular-brown eyes.

2. Did you feel what I felt when we reached into the holy water font at the same time?

1. Confess here often?

Jack Straw Row: Veiled Woman Speaks Out

Mother Perpetua, Mother Superior of the Convent of the Sacred Wounds in Jack Straw's Blackburn constituency, has reacted angrily to Straw's comments about women in veils.
"My nuns don't make a habit of going to Jack Straw's surgeries because we belong to an enclosed order. But if one of us did, she would flatly refuse to accede to his request to remove her veil. Mr Straw says that veils are a visible sign of separation and hinder community relations. But that's exactly the point. We are nuns and we are separate and different. As to community relations, my nuns get on very well with each other, thankyou, mainly because they observe a strict vow of silence."
Mother Perpetua said that the Convent was now considering its options in the light of Straw's words.
She added: "We've ruled nothing out. We may just dedicate a Novena to the conversion of Jack Straw's soul, we might ask the Papal Nuncio to intervene. As a last resort, we'll get Mr Straw a lifetime's subscription to Christian Order magazine."

Tories do BoMo

A few words on The Conservative Party's 2006 Conference in Bournemouth.

Good Conference for: "Dave" Cameron. Dave had another one of his Clause IV moments. He upset the Buffer tendency with his praise for civil partnerships and added insult to injury by declaring that economic stability and 'sharing the proceeds of growth' were more important than tax cuts.

Bad Conference for: Francis Maude. The Party Chairman was forced to apologise as hundreds of people were left queueing for hours to get in.

Not a Happy Conference Bunny: Ann Widdecombe, overheard complaining about the leader's latest wheeze, the Cameron Cam. A peeved Widders complained that she'd been planning to launch the Widdeo-Video and that Dave had ripped her off. Is there no limit to the man's ruthlessness?

Disgusted of Fleet Street: Peter Hitchens. Seen stalking the fringe meetings with a distinctly unimpressed expression on his face.

Conference Babe: Annunziata "Nancy" Rees Mogg. Fun-loving Nancy put a spring in the step of many male Conference attendees.