Friday, March 28, 2008

I am going to write a book ...

which will be entitled: "All Press Officers Are Bastards".
The introduction will be a ringing jeremiad, a hurling of thunderbolts and denunciation of this accursed, whiny-voiced, sneaky species which slithers through the undergrowth of the media, wreaking havoc and emitting noxious odours.
I will chronicle their origins, examine their rotten practices and I will name names, oh yes I will. So let them tremble for terrible is my wrath when it is aroused.
In the final chapter I will make proposals for reform. Enjoying a convivial chat over a fine vintage white wine (me) and a cup of rosehip tea (him) with the indefatigable Paddy Garcia some years ago, the subject arose. "One press officer, one bullet," Paddy declared between sips. He was sporting a balaclava and sunglasses, so I couldn't make out the expression on his face but I imagined it to be one of grim determination. A little doctrinaire, I thought at the time but I know where he's coming from. In the final chapter, all options will be be on the table, nothing will be ruled out, to use the ghastly, cliche-ridden language used by press officers. For they are verminous scum and we are at perpetual war with them.
Good. I feel better now that I have that off my chest.

4 Comments:

Anonymous padddy garcia said...

Yes, I stand by what I said. One press officer, one bullet! They make the lives of those who legitimately cover events a real pain, only way past them is the bullet.
BTW, I do not drink rosehip, camomile, or any other hippie tea!
It was a double macciatto!

3/28/2008 11:39 AM  
Anonymous Socialist Guru said...

You should name names or organisations. Not all press officers are evil, some are talented individuals, dedicated to promoting the truth.

3/29/2008 5:16 AM  
Blogger Red Maria said...

Yeees, well, there may be a few exceptions, of course. But exceptions prove the rule.

3/30/2008 4:55 PM  
Anonymous Socialist Guru said...

Exceptions prove the rule.
Did you just hit the cliche button for that one. I had an editor who used his cliche button all the time.
Are you him?

3/31/2008 12:43 PM  

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