Wednesday, October 07, 2009

What's Wrong With Eating People?

It all depends on whether the cook is any good. I am a sybarite. I insist that humans are cooked à la polonaise, that is smothered in buttered breadcrumbs, hard-boiled eggs and parsley, accompanied by cabbage and perhaps a dainty bowl of szczaw on the side. All served on Meissen china and washed down with ample quanitites of cytrynowka, to cleanse the palate.

Seated round the table and enjoying the feast with me would be: Neil and Padraig, Peter Cave, Brendan McCarthy, Londiniensis, Splints, Fathers B and Zee, His Hermeneuticalness, the Strong Woman and La Femme Contraire. Fiorella would tell me to stop talking with my mouth full. Voltaire's Priest would be master of ceremonies. Julie Burchill would make a late entrance. Carriages would be at dawn.


Blogger Londiniensis said...

Delighted with the invitation!

I am told that human tastes somewhat of pork, so "a-la-kotlet schabowy" seems about right. (The "dainty" bowl of szczaw strikes a slight incongruous note.)

As an appetiser I would recommend carp jewish-fashion, preferably my late mother's recipe: deboned, minced with herbs, stuffed back in its skin and cooked in broth, then cooled in a jelly. Delicious. With a bowl (or mug) of barszcz wigilijny.

I will bring along a few bottles of Taittinger Blanc de Blancs 1998, after all, we're not "new Tories".

10/07/2009 10:59 AM  
Blogger Red Maria said...

You'd be most welcome, Londiniensis.

The feast would be Nouveau Polonaise, Nowa Polska Kuchnia, hence the dainty bowl of szczaw, swirled through with organic - ecologiczny - smetana.

Barszcz wigiliny, I would say yes but it's just z jarzynami. I prefer Barszcz z mięsem i pierogi.

I love Rosół z kurczaka z kluskami Babci styl. There'd be a tureen of that, the steam rising evocatively.

And perhaps a noble makovnik and szarlotka to round it off before we get down to the serious business and uncork the expensive wino.

And we would sing, tunelessly and loudly:

Lupu cupu, cupu lupu, Tego we dwa kije/A kto nie wypije, Tego we dwa kije

Pili nasi pradziadowie, Nie byli pijacy,
Byli mezni, pracowici, Badzmyz i my tacy.
A kto nie wypije, Tego we dwa kije,
Lupu cupu, cupu lupu, Tego we dwa kije.

10/07/2009 12:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ooo, sounds delicious! Could we get a tochitura moldoveneasca in there somewhere?

10/10/2009 2:33 AM  
Blogger Red Maria said...

By all means, Splints. I am, among other things, Romanian.

Could we eat the tochitura with mamaliga, do you think?

We'd knock back some glasses of ţuică as well.

10/10/2009 4:46 PM  
Blogger Patriccus said...

What, Peter Cave gets an invitation and I don't?

Then again, he's a secularist - cannibalism is acceptable according to his Bible.

10/14/2009 2:59 PM  
Blogger Mac McLernon said...

An interesting invitation indeed... however, I would need to know who was on the menu...


10/25/2009 9:49 AM  

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